Conversation starters, incomplete thoughts, and links from Adam S. McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church

Monday, November 30, 2009

Is it better to be insecure than introverted?

I'm going to pick the 10 winners of the book giveaway on FlowerDust tomorrow, and I have learned a lot through reading the commments on Anne's post.  Here are the two things that most stand out to me:

1. There is a lot of confusion about what introversion is.  I think a lot of people assume that if they are comfortable socializing or feel the need to be around people then they must be extroverts or else riding the line between introversion and extroversion.  Of course, they may be extroverts or somewhere in the middle, BUT it's important to keep coming back to this: introversion/extroversion is primarily determined by energy source. Do you find it primarily in solitude (or in good conversation with a close friend) or in community?  Introverts can be very effective communicators and at ease among people, just as extroverts also need time alone.  But crowds will drain introverts after a while and solitude will drain extroverts after a while.  The farther you are on one side of the scale, the less need/desire you will have for the opposite.  But if introverts are loners or antisocial people, it's not because of their introversion!

2. It almost seems that people are more comfortable defining themselves as "insecure" or "shy" extroverts than they are with the label "introverts."  Anne Jackson realized that she is probably more of an "insecure extrovert" than an introvert, and I'm sure she's right about that.  But I would also guess that some of the commenters who also want to call themselves insecure extroverts actually fall on the introverted side of the scale.  But my question is, is the cultural bias such that people would rather call themselves "insecure" than "introverts"?!

4 comments:

  1. I think in today's world you are perceived as more 'successful' if you are an extrovert so it is OK to be a shy extrovert.

    Now, I am a shy introvert. It takes me awhile to warm up to people I don't know. My comfort level goes up when with extroverts. It is much easier to get to know them in their extroversion but I just can't take it for great lengths of time. It is just to draining for me - especially if in a crowd.

    I definitely get my energy from my alone time. I CRAVE it - even when I'm just with my extroverted immediate family!
    ReplyDelete
  2. I was just talking to my wife about that the other day. I've noticed that a lot of people think that introversion/extraversion is determined by behaviors. In my understanding, they're totally separate things. For instance, an extravert I know mentioned that she enjoyed something being peaceful and quiet. And I as an introvert sometimes really genuinely enjoy interacting with many strangers in a superficial way. The difference is that the behavior comes at a cost, viz. energy. I can totally enjoy an activity that wears me out. Being an introvert doesn't mean that I don't enjoy people. Introversion/extraversion can influence behaviors, but they are not determined by them.

    I guess that might be a reason people would rather identify as "insecure extraverts"--they confuse the orientation with behaviors which may carry value judgments.
    ReplyDelete
  3. That's a great point. The problem with personality tests is that they can only really measure behaviors and exterior patterns, but many of our behaviors are learned or motivated by forces other than temperament, which is largely inborn. When we're young we all desperately want to belong and feel included, which would push us further into socializing, and thus we might score as extroverts. But later on we may discover more of an introverted tendency and say that our temperament has "changed," when actually we're discovering more of who we naturally are. It's not to say that there isn't some fluidity to temperament - if are brains are actually always changing, then certainly our temperament may change along with it.

    Here's an example of a MBTI question that has always tripped me up:

    Do you more commonly get introduced to other people or find yourselves introducing people to others?

    Now, there is no doubt that I am an introvert, but if I'm honest in answering that question, I actually introduce others more often. Why? Because of my role as a pastor. When I have an upfront role, people know who I am and want to talk to me, plus it's my role to meet others. So I know more people than your average churchgoer, and I'm introducing them to one another. Questions like that measure behavior, but may not actually help us in determining which side of the scale we are most comfortable in.
    ReplyDelete
  4. I think in today's world you are perceived as more 'successful' if you are an extrovert so it is OK to be a shy extrovert.

    Now, I am a shy introvert. It takes me awhile to warm up to people I don't know. My comfort level goes up when with extroverts. It is much easier to get to know them in their extroversion but I just can't take it for great lengths of time. It is just to draining for me - especially if in a crowd.

    I definitely get my energy from my alone time. I CRAVE it - even when I'm just with my extroverted immediate family!
    ReplyDelete

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Adam S. McHugh is the author of Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture. He is an ordained Presbyterian minister, spiritual director, chaplain, speaker, and retreat leader. He has been published in The Washington Post, The Christian Century, RELEVANT Magazine, Psychology Today, and Leadership Journal, among other publications. He is a graduate of Claremont McKenna College and Princeton Theological Seminary. On February 28, 2012 he will serve as guest chaplain in the U.S. House of Representatives. He lives in Claremont, CA.

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