I'm writing an article this week about hospitality, that centers around an experience I had of receiving radical hospitality a few years ago. Hospitality is an important theme and quality in the scriptures. I have even heard one theologian say that the story of the scriptures is God extending hospitality to us and us learning how to receive it and extend it to others.
One of the things I say in Introverts in the Church is that introverts have a tendency to treat their homes as their sanctuaries, as a place of respite from a tiring world. And that's not a bad thing. But it does make me wonder how introverts can extend welcome to other people. Obviously, there is much more to it than just allowing people into our homes, and we can practice hospitality in many different settings and on many different ways. Listening, for example, is a profound act of hospitality.
What do you think? How do you practice the welcome of Christ to others? Do you enjoy opening your homes to others? How are you growing in becoming a more hospitable person?
If for no other reason, I think this is an important topic to consider because the holidays are only a couple of weeks away!
i recently read the introvert advantage and found it helpful as well. i think she recommends getting someone to come alongside you in planning the menu (if you're having a dinner/party) and have a beginning and ending time.
ReplyDeletei don't have my own place... but i feel like if i did something at my place once a week or bi-weekly with friends/family, it would be fun. :)
Hospitality does not come naturally to me, but it's something I've been trying to learn to offer. I'm learning some from my Asian American roommate, for whom hospitality is a strong part of her culture. I recently went to a training event that stressed hospitality, defining it as "the act of making welcoming space for relationships to grow." When it's phrased that way it seems like a very worthwhile goal. We broke down hospitality into different kinds of space: the two hardest for me to create for people are physical space and social space, and that's usually what I think hospitality means. But my favorite was emotional space: "room for thoughtfulness and intentionality beyond superficiality." That's something I feel like I can really contribute to, and then I can go from there to help people feel welcome in those other ways as well.
ReplyDeleteI love cooking for people and have couples over to my house whenever I can. Couples (or small group of single friends) are nice because it's a more intimate conversation. When I've had more people over, I generally have it as a potluck so I don't have to worry about menu planning. If I get overwhelmed with the conversation or want a break, I just go into the kitchen and do something while my husband entertains everyone (or they entertain themselves).
ReplyDeleteHospitality is something I really have to work at. For several years my husband and I lived with a few other folks and as a household we hosted a weekly dinner for our friends (and any of their friends that they'd like to bring along). On the one hand this was often a very draining night for me, especially if new people were brought into the circle. But it was still a wonderful time as well. Having something that was regular meant that people often felt free to come then, rather than when I wasn't expecting them. And even though the dinner happened in our house, we encouraged everyone to take a turn cooking or bringing bread or wine, and if people came early we had them help set up. That made the event feel more like a group owned event rather than something that fell only our shoulders. This took some of the burden off of us. If we weren't ready (the table wasn't cleared, for example) there were no worries. Everyone chipped in to help clear it off. And the part that I loved was the deep conversations that we often got into. And since we had a regular core group of people, we were able to build deeper relationships through these meals.
ReplyDeleteSince then we've moved and our kids have grown older and it's a bit harder to make something like this come together. But now-a-days I feel like our greatest acts of hospitality are through our kids. They often have their friends over, so we build relationships with them, and through them, with their parents. This form of hospitality is much more random and haphazard, but as it continues over time I finally start to get that sense that these people are becoming close to us. It builds a wonderful sense of community and that part I find very dear.
When it comes to showing hospitality to strangers I still struggle. I stumble over my words, or I forget to offer them tea, or I just plain don't know what's expected of me and want to curl up in a ball and hope they go away. Thankfully, most of the strangers in my life stick around long enough for me to grow more comfortable with them. Then we can build enough of a relationship that hospitality grows increasingly easier to offer.
... Then again, I find it much, much easier to offer hospitality to people online. Even with complete strangers I'll gladly run up and help someone out or give them an encouraging pat on the back.
I love what barefootmeg says about happily extending hospitality to complete strangers online. I find myself doing that too.
ReplyDeleteI do like to retreat to my house, but every once in a while I like to get people I'm close to over for tea and Shakespeare or something similar we all like. I've found that I like to make people eat food I've made, so bringing dessert to my small group at church was a way of showing hospitality, though it wasn't at my church.
Hm, I'm another one who finds hospitality online to be much much easier. In just about every form of community I've found on the internet, as soon as I feel at home there myself (or even before) I turn to welcoming new people, helping them find their way, and making them feel at home, as much as I can. It's something I never get tired of, and still one of my very favorite things to do on the Internet. I have often wondered why the exact same task is so difficult and unmotivating for me in the "off-line" world.
ReplyDeleteHospitality is not entertaining. If we give ourselves permission to embrace that, we're good to go!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing quite like breaking bread together to allow the sharing of hearts to begin.
And there's nothing quite like curling up with a cup of tea on your own sofa with friends - old or new. A candle burns, soft music plays, good food is passed around.
Yeah - it takes a bit of work to get there, and it sure is easier to go out to eat.
But when was the last time you were able to curl up in a restaurant booth for a long, cozy evening?
These are great comments. I really like the distinction between "hospitality" and "entertaining" as well. Maybe we could fill that out more?
ReplyDeleteHospitality is bigger than entertaining, but it doesn't preclude it. I'd say hospitality would be a broader term that includes entertaining, having a friend over for a cozy chat, welcoming people to your Yahoo Group, etc.
ReplyDeleteEntertaining is all about ME. My house. My stuff. My decorating. My style. My presentation of food. The focus is on me and how I come across to you.
ReplyDeleteHospitality is all about YOU. Your story. Your heart. Your needs. Your encouragement. Your edification. Your healing. Your hope.
Hospitality is a gift that shares the deepest part of who I am with you. It extends a safe place for the recipient to be themselves. It's a gift that honors Christ and brings HIM glory.
Not me.
But those who extend hospitality with a pure heart end up with a graet deal of joy and peace.
Linda
Hm, I'm another one who finds hospitality online to be much much easier. In just about every form of community I've found on the internet, as soon as I feel at home there myself (or even before) I turn to welcoming new people, helping them find their way, and making them feel at home, as much as I can. It's something I never get tired of, and still one of my very favorite things to do on the Internet. I have often wondered why the exact same task is so difficult and unmotivating for me in the "off-line" world.
ReplyDeleteEntertaining is all about ME. My house. My stuff. My decorating. My style. My presentation of food. The focus is on me and how I come across to you.
ReplyDeleteHospitality is all about YOU. Your story. Your heart. Your needs. Your encouragement. Your edification. Your healing. Your hope.
Hospitality is a gift that shares the deepest part of who I am with you. It extends a safe place for the recipient to be themselves. It's a gift that honors Christ and brings HIM glory.
Not me.
But those who extend hospitality with a pure heart end up with a graet deal of joy and peace.
Linda