How ironic is this? I went to an event called "Permission to Speak Freely" last night. No one else seems to find that as funny as I do.
It was an evening with my friends Anne Jackson, author of Permission to Speak Freely, and Susan Isaacs, author of Angry Conversations with God, and also musician I'm not acquainted with named Solveig. It brings up again the issue of "sharing" that we have addressed on this blog- a sharing which is both freeing and terrifying. Many introverts I know are turned off by the expectations that some churches have that you will share the details of your life with others, especially those you don't know. And I appreciate and emphasize with that, but I also get concerned that the resistance to sharing things with people is a result of fear or past bad experiences, not a natural personality trait.
Now, who you choose to share with is the critical issue. There has to be a level of trust present before most people will feel comfortable opening up their lives. But I was reminded again that even the most introverted person needs one or two people in their lives who they can be truly vulnerable with. Hearing someone else say "me too" when we confess something really difficult is one of the most powerful and freeing experiences that we can have.
What are your thoughts about "sharing" in churches? What are bad examples you have seen? What are good examples you have experienced?
Sharing is good. As the saying goes, "confession is good for the soul" and to know that you're not alone or to be met with truly empathetic responses to what you're feeling is of great comfort and encouragement. However, where it goes awry is when heartfelt feelings are met with pat, trite answers--even when those answers come from Scripture. Too often, we just want to feel better and not to be bogged down with someone else's issues so we've learned to give answers that we think if applied will solve all of a person's woes. Little do we know that we often do more harm than good and this can be a contributing factor to people leaving churches when they feel that the Church offers no real hope or answers for life's challenges. On the other hand, the good examples of sharing come about when people are liberated from baggage that attempts to weigh them down, convincing them that they or their situation is hopeless. When a person can share and know that they're not abnormal and that Jesus loves them and that there's a loving community ready, willing and able to assist them, great things can happen. People are set free and can live in victory and are encouraged to do the same for others.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those rare introverts who would rather share deeply analytical information with a random person in church than have to stand engaging in chitchat. I don't at all mind sharing things about myself and learning deep things about other people on the spur of the moment. If we could just skip the dull everyday stuff and go straight to the important stuff, I'd be much more interested in talking to people. That's why I like small groups that deal with a particular study or book: I love the personal sharing that is involved and find it much easier to form relationships under such circumstances.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time, I don't necessarily want to share with the perfect stranger sitting next to me in the pew, but I only remember that being required once, at a small women's conference, and I actually ended up having a fascinating conversation with the random stranger next to me.