A couple of weeks Aubry Smith imagined an ideal youth camp for introverts, and it quickly became one of the most popular posts in this blog's history. Today she gives a glimpse into the mind of an introverted VBS camper.
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VBS season is upon us – another event geared toward extroverts in the evangelical realm. I love VBS, but it has always exhausted me, whether I was a child attending or an adult volunteering. VBS combines some of the biggest hazards for introverts:
1) lots of people
2) lots of noise and encouragement for more noise
3) lots of new information via the VBS theme, schedule, new people, teaching, material, etc.
4) quick activity change with no time for processing
5) lots of singing, dancing, and other high-energy activities
In this post, I’d like to give an example of the internal dialogue of an introvert child when they attend VBS. As a disclaimer, know that many introverted children love VBS and do gain a lot from it. It’s just a little more difficult for them to function at VBS than it is for an extrovert because of the way VBS is structured. Also, my experience with VBS has been entirely within the Southern Baptist denomination, with all materials coming from LifeWay. I’d love to hear about experiences from other denominations!
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[Approaching the church.] VBS! I can’t wait. So excited. Whoa. There are a lot of people here. Maybe I should have stayed home. I’m not sure about this anymore. What if I don’t know anyone in my class? What if I have to talk? I think I want to go home. No, I’ll stay. It’ll be good for me. But I want to go home.
[Approaching classmates] Try to be cool. Do what they do. C’mon, we rehearsed this for an hour last night in front of the mirror. They’ll say “hey,” and I’ll say “hey” with a little bit of enthusiasm and a smile, but not too much. ["HEY!!"] Ohhh that was too much! They think I’m a major dork now. Like I’m a little too excited to be here. Ok, calm down, just be cool. Think of something to talk about…think…think….think…panic………………………I got nothing. Weather! Can’t go wrong. ["Man, it's really hot today." "Yeah, I'm ready to go inside!" and other "general consensus" remarks] Yes!! Nailed it! They like me! Maybe they’ll think I’m normal.
[Morning introduction to the festivities: "How is everyone today?"] Does she really want to know how I am? I’d rather not answer. [Emcee: "Is that the best you can do?? I SAID, "HOW IS EVERYONE TODAY?!"] Oh gosh, it’s really loud in here. Panic. Panic. Oh man, my leader is looking at me like I’m not having fun. Next time, remember to yell so people don’t think you’re hating it here.
[Worship time] Ok, these dance moves make me feel really dumb. I shouldn’t have come to VBS. Should I do it anyway? This doesn’t feel like worship at all, it feels like I’m one of those token losers they show on “America’s Got Talent.” What’s everyone else doing? Dang it, they’re playing along. Ok, I don’t want to look like I hate it here. I don’t hate it here. I just don’t want to dance. Maybe if I go through the motions, but just not as big and animated as everyone else. [Attempts to dance] What do these lyrics mean, anyway? “Rounding up questions/ Driving home answers?” Do they really think they can answer all the questions? I read a book once that…ah! We’re switching activities already?
[Teaching time] Awesome! I love teaching time! I can sit quietly. I’m good at this. Listening…listening… Asking God for wisdom…this is a good topic. In what ways do I need wisdom? Maybe…grr, interrupted again. There’s no time to think here! ["Who would like to close us in prayer?"] Ahhh! Don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact, don’t make… [Aubry, how about you?] Is there a hole around here? Ok, prayer. I can talk to God. How can I make this sound really good? Like I know God, but I’m not trying to be holier-than-thou? Think…think…panic…Can’t think of what to say…Wow, everyone is staring at me, waiting for me to start. Ugh. Just rattle off something. ["Dear-God-thank-You-for-today-thank-You-for-VBS-and-all-the-things-we're-learning-about-You-amen."] Oh gosh, that was horrible. I wish I had more time to prepare for public prayers! I should go home and write out a couple of “just-in-case” prayers for later – what?? Changing activities again?? Wait, what did we just talk about?
[Crafts] Ok, I can do crafts. Wow, everyone is really talky. I better think of some things to say before someone asks me a question. What kinds of things will they want to talk about?…..[Leader: "Aubry, are you learning a lot at VBS?"] Ummm…yes…I know I’m learning something, I just can’t recall anything right off the top of my head….think…panic………["Yes."] Oh, great answer, Einstein. Try to think of something to add…..try harder…nothing. Weather? ["But it's really hot today."] Wow, that was dumb. But now she knows I’m not just trying to be rude by not talking. I need to think of some things to say to people tonight when I get home, because this weather thing is ridiculous. I think I want to put more red dots on here to symbolize…ahh! We’re done with crafts already?? I don’t even know what I made!
[Gospel presentation] I don’t know if I totally understand this. What they’re saying is – wow, singing again? I hope I can remember the dance moves.
[Final songs before leaving] Wow. I am exhausted. It’s only 11:30am, but I am taking a nap when I get home. These songs still don’t make sense to me. How did we learn five already? I can barely remember them. Too. tired. to. dance. [Friends laughing and singing] How do they keep doing these songs and dances after all this? They look like they could do this all day, and I’ve been ready to go home for the last hour! There must be something wrong with me. [Leader: "Aubry, is something wrong?"] Well, I’m exhausted but I don’t know why everyone else isn’t exhausted, I’m kind of hungry, I hate dancing, I can’t remember what we learned today, and I’m not sure how to say all of this without sounding like I have 5,000 issues. What to say?? Think!! Panic! ["No. I'm fine."]
[Mom in the car on the way home: "How was VBS today, honey?"] Sort through emotions as fast as you can…hurry!! What did we learn! Can’t remember! What were the songs about!? Ahh!! Think……think….["It was fine. It's really hot today."] I need to collapse immediately. Are there really four more days of VBS? Mom is going to think I’m grumpy. I think I am grumpy. [Mom: "When we get home, I need you to clean your room and put all your laundry away. Then we're going to Wal-Mart, and all your cousins are coming over for dinner."] I am going to die.
Did you have any of these thoughts when you attended VBS as a child? Do you have these thoughts now?
If you have introverted children, how do they handle VBS?
How could we make VBS a little easier on introverted children?
Is VBS different in your denomination?
I like your internal conversation here. It's really familiar, although I think I have probably felt this more as an adult leading VBS than I ever did when I was a kid!
ReplyDeleteTwo points of clarification:
1. Age is always an issue. Aubry is apparently quite mature and self-aware; many younger kids won't know how to process this sense of being overwhelmed, and will just get emotional or act out.
2. This dialogue blurs the line a bit between being shy and introverted; lots of very outgoing and high-energy kids are still shy about being put on the spot with direct questions, or having to perform in front of people. Hopefully both introverts and extroverts learn to get over some of that shyness and insecurity as they get older.
I always appreciated that the VBS at my church always tried to have a time for reflection and processing, both at lunch and at the end of the day. It wasn't always ideal, but I'm glad they acknowledge that it's a good practice for both introverts and extroverts.
Another thing that really factors in is how the leaders are trained to interact with kids. As in your example above, many adults focus on getting kids to participate through direct, on-the-spot questions ("will you pray for us, are you having fun, what have you learned?"). Instead, leaders should focus on engaging the kids, rather than getting the kids to engage, by asking questions that open the door to deeper interaction rather than forcing them into awkward situations.
Good points, Peter. I struggled with horrible shyness as a child (but not as an adult), and I've always been fairly self-aware - that may owe more to the rest of the letters on my Myers-Briggs type (ISTJ), rather than my introversion (I have one introverted friend who had to spend hours of introspection trying to figure out if she had a crush on a boy!).
ReplyDeleteThis dialogue is really more of what an introverted kid might think if they had the words to describe what was happening to them. I didn't until I was in my early 20s, so I just panicked internally and felt like I was completely un-normal. I think that was the beauty of Adam's book: it gave me words for my emotions and what happened to me in large, loud crowds.
I'm glad your church had processing time for VBS, such a great idea - ours definitely didn't! We just finished ours yesterday and I am spending today in pajamas in a dark, quiet house while the kids watch movies and rest!
As a forty-something, I remember VBS as a child and loving it, probably because it was not nearly as extrovert-oriented. VBS also didn't come pre-packaged from a publishing company, so things like Snack Time meant sitting in the shade after playing kickball and then getting 2 cookie and a glass of punch; there were no loud and quick paced videos to watch during the opening or closing gatherings; no songs w/ dances (songs, yes, movements, no, and even then it was not a new song per day but the same songs each day); and the Craft Time was 1 project that we worked on for the week, not a different craft each day. The focus was on the Bible Time, and there were no "gimmicks" to teach the story at hand. In addition, public schools had not yet completely shifted over to the philosophy that "education MUST BE FUN in order for kids to learns since everyone KNOWS THEY LEARN BEST that way" meaning school kids were at least aware of the idea of sitting and being still during the lesson rather than being conditioned to be in motion while learning.
ReplyDeleteAs an adult who helps with VBS, I see a huge difference from my childhood to now, and I would absolutely hate today's version of VBS if I were a child today. As it is, I'm exhausted by Wednesday, and grouchy by Thursday, and on my last nerve by Friday.
Part of being an introvert means thinking about things rather than being only "in the moment" or "moving on to the next activity" without reflecting on it as soon the activity is done. So as an adulty watching the whole thing I keep asking myself exactly what the kids will remember. If a year from now (or 2 or 5 years from now) the only thing they remember is that the decorations were cool or they just some vague sense that they had "fun" I've got to ask myself if VBS is worth all the time, energy, and money churches pour into it. I've never seen any statistics on VBS that deal with long-term impact, but maybe it's time to evaluate just how effective this extroverted event is for everyone.
I love this post Aubry. Thanks for capturing an introverted student's internal monologue so honestly.
ReplyDeleteI am an "I"ntrovert, so in taking my 2nd child (who is also an introvert) to VBS this year for the first time as a 5-yr old boy, he was initially shell-shocked. But, I got him settled in his group with his best Sunday School buddy (an answered prayer) and left. He did have a wonderful time, but did not do any songs or motions...he does not do motions. When day #5 rolled around he was exhausted in every way. So, we skipped closing night and went to bed early, leaving his 7-yr old party-going sister to finish out the week. I don't know how to make VBS easier, but I do know that I am glad I don't have to go anymore. :) Maybe just make it a 3-4 day programs.
ReplyDeleteAs an extremely extroverted parent (ENFP), this was very eye-opening. My introverted (INTJ, probably) 10-yr-old claimed, on the one hand, that he loved VBS this year. But on the other hand he nearly broke into meltdowns as soon as he hit the van ride home. I try to give him ample alone time, but hadn't considered his need to process slowly. Thanks for the post. (I think I have a introverted 4-year-old, too, so I'll be checking back in to this site for helpful perspective!)
ReplyDeleteI always hated VBS, both as a kid forced to attend and as an adult forced to "volunteer." I've since learned to Just Say No, at least to volunteering for the actual event (I don't mind the pre/post event getting ready/cleaning up). Part of my hatred of VBS is because of other non-introverted issues (I grew up in highly controlling, abusive, cultic churches, and VBS was no different), but part of it was because I was just so worn out from the over-stimulation and total lack of time to *think* during that seemingly never-ending week. Love this post!
ReplyDeleteresounding YES. that is exactly how i felt, and why i will NEVER make my kid go to VBS or camp unless he asks to go. thank you!
ReplyDeleteI never went to VBS as a kid primarily because the independent churches I attended at that stage of my life didn't have one, but when I joined the Church of God denomination (based in Cleveland, TN) in 1997 I helped out delivering snacks from room to room at my local church in Poplar Bluff, MO. I only volunteered once.
ReplyDeleteIn recent years due to the difficulty of finding volunteers that can commit a full week my church has spread VBS out to one day a week. I don't think the leaders had introverts in mind (Pentecostalism is probably the least introvert-friendly church tradition), but I can see where introverted children would benefit from this model a great deal - provided they survive the high energy activities!
i am 64 and the VBS "then" differs dramatically from the VBS "now." being an "introvert," i loved the "then." today's version makes me want to schedule vacation during that time. too overwhelming and exhausting....
ReplyDelete