A couple of weeks ago, Rachel Stephan Simko wrote a post on doing college campus ministry as an introvert. Today her post goes even closer to her heart, as she reflects on her life as a mom to a newborn. Rachel is a former-actress-turned-campus-minister who works with her husband for the Coalition for Christian Outreach She, her husband, and their 8-week-old live in intentional community right outside Philadelphia with another young family. She writes about their experiences at Even One Sparrow and about campus ministry at 15 Minutes of Campus.
Also, if you haven't read the posts from Introverted Parenting week yet, or the post from Cynthia on mothering as an introvert, I highly recommend them. This is a topic that people are clamoring to talk about!
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Two months ago, I became a mommy.
My daughter has lived up to the newborn stereotype: she sleeps most of the day away, is somewhat nocturnal, and oozes adorableness. I myself have lived up to the new-mom stereotype: I worry too much, cry at the drop of a hat, and spend most of the day in bed.
And I've decided that, all-in-all, maternity leave is the golden ticket for introverted mothers.
However, I was recently convicted by a poignant post written by Jed Brewer at Relevant Magazine. In The Missions Field of Suburbs, Brewer cautions against the delusion of being called to complacency in the suburbs. Although God places people in all sorts of places -- suburbs (and maternity leave) included -- it is not a free ride to sit back and rest easy. Brewer writes, "If you're in a physically comfortable environment, you'll want to get on your knees twice as often and ask the Lord, 'Jesus, what exactly are you asking me to do here?'
So that's what I'm asking God right now: "Jesus, what exactly are you asking me to do here?"
Because, let's face it, I could easily while away the hours napping and nursing, checking my Facebook page hundreds of times each day, and researching all known facts about newborns. But is that what I should be doing?
It's obvious I won't be scrambling to find the nearest mommy-and-me playgroup. And although I actually live in community with another young family, it takes a lot of effort to interact with people all day, especially while I'm still in recovery. So when I am holed away alone in my room, I want to know how I can serve the Lord -- how I can advance the Kingdom -- while remaining emotionally intact.
In our community, we have a couple of guiding scriptures on which we have laid our foundations. One such scripture is Deuteronomy 6:4-9:
"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
As I seek the Lord day-in-and-out for specific ways I can serve him, he has reminded me of this passage. I have been given an enormous gift, but it is also an immense responsibility. My quiet "alone" time with the Lord is now shared with a small person of barely eight pounds. Instead of reading the Bible, I now read the Bible out-loud to curious newborn eyes. Instead of praying internally, we pray together. My spiritual journey is no longer just my own.
And it's kind of ironic, isn't it? -- that a person who has spent so much of her life locked away in confined rooms, quietly reading and writing and reflecting in her own brain -- a person who gains energy from being absolutely alone -- is now never alone. Now the most personal thing -- a walk with the Lord -- is moment-by-moment shared with another human being.
So this is where I will start my ministry: with her. And as I slowly recover and as she slowly grows older, I will take it day by day -- beginning each day behind a door, steeped in the Lord's presence, and asking: "What exactly are you asking me to do here -- today?"
I think it is so much fun to read scriptures out loud to my boys too. They may not understand much about it, but it's going into their spirits. I love that you have enjoyed living more open with praying and reading scriptures along with Gwendolyn even though she is just sitting there not understanding. What an impact that can be on her.
ReplyDeleteAfter lo those many years of actively raising you and Matt, I am now at a stage in my life where I have inordinate amounts of alone time and am loving every minute in my introverted little heart. However, I am quite convicted by the question you are asking, "what exactly are You asking me to do here--today?" This is a question I need to be asking, and acting upon, instead of selfishly squirreling away these moments of solitude which stretch into entire days spent by myself. I should be using the time wisely, to read and memorize scripture, to pray fervently, to maybe volunteer my time. Thanks for this reminder.
ReplyDeleteHow many times did Jesus leave the crowds and all the important work that still needed to be done for them in order to go off by himself to pray? Sabbath was created for man, not man for the Sabbath. Rest and renewal may be exactly what you're called to be doing right now. Definitely guard against complacency, but don't reject the possibility that you may be called to rest now. Parenting is an intensive ministry in its own right.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. This is the question that has been on my heart and my mind for months now. What should I be doing here? I have my comfortable first-world life in the suburbs, but what good is it? My children, yes, are my first ministry, but what about serving the poor, helping the orphans and widows, mercy, justice, all the rest? How do I live that out in a practical sense from where I am? Sometimes the options are so overwhelming that I stay home paralyzed instead; other times I can't seem to see any truly life-changing options at all. What do I do with this first-world life?
ReplyDeleteHow you raise your children may affect the helping of orphans, etc. They might become people who help out in these ways or advocate for the speechless. Also, we have choices in our day-to-day lives that affect how people in third-world countries live. It's about living intentionally -- and from seeing your blog, it looks like you do a lot of that. :) But I do think it's a question we have to ask God consistently, just in case he is asking us to make one little step each day/week/year.
ReplyDeleteThat's a very important reminder, Karen. Thank you. It's important to remember that we have different seasons -- some seasons filled with a lot of action and change, and others with rest and renewal.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written... I love to imagine you and baby reading, praying, singing, praising together. This will have a huge impact on you and her. On another note, being a mommy does put a limit on your ability to isolate; however, it is also possible to wrap your little one in your bubble and still isolate in that way... I know I do! I pray along with you that we will each be faithful to seek God and hear His answer... what we are do to here today.
ReplyDelete"Parenting is a intensive ministry in its own right." Amen! Sometimes Christians are looking to do BIG THINGS for God. But maybe He wants us to be faithful doing little things first? I think there'd be less marital and family problems amongst Christians if we'd take this perspective.
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